I was never what they expected and that’s exactly why I’m here

I don’t remember much from when I was a baby, but I do remember my young childhood — moments of doing naughty things just to please my friends, just to be accepted. I remember being drawn to extremes, trying desperately to make myself visible, to make a point, to be seen.

From my parents’ occasional outbursts, I gathered that I was a crier — I cried a lot. Maybe that was a factor. Maybe that was the beginning. I don’t know exactly what happened in those first fragile years. But after that…everything started to build, like a massive snowball rolling downhill — gathering layers, growing heavier — with my wound at the core, silently rotting beneath it all.

Fast forward 30 years —I finally accessed my consciousness. The snowball started to melt, from the core outward. And somehow, I felt an undeniable urge: I don’t want others to repeat this pattern. I didn’t invent anything new — we all suffer from trauma to one degree or another. But I decided to transform mine into something good. Into a story. A story to process my pain, and hopefully to inspire and help others.

I just wish someone had been there for me when I needed it most…(This is my abandonment wound speaking now.) Still — I want to leave something good behind.

This is my manifesto.

My legacy.

My purpose.

My meaning of life.